(Yes, It’s a Thing—and You’re Not a Bad Mom)
I’m just going to say it—because someone needs to:
Sometimes you love your child with every fiber of your being… but you don’t like them very much.
There. I said it.
And if that sentence makes your heart ache or your eyes well up—welcome. You’re not alone. You’re not broken. And you are most certainly not a bad mom.
Let’s talk about it. Let’s remove the shame. And let’s figure out what to actually do when you’re having a hard time liking your child.
First—Let’s Be Honest
Here’s something I wish every parenting book included:
Parenting is not always warm and fuzzy.
Kids can be incredibly frustrating, defiant, rude, exhausting—even cruel. And sometimes, the version of your child you’re dealing with just doesn’t feel likable.
Maybe they talk back constantly.
Maybe they hurt their siblings.
Maybe their anxiety, anger, or behavior issues are dominating your family life.
Maybe they remind you of someone who hurt you.
Maybe… you’re just drained.
And then comes the guilt.
Because we’re told that “good moms” always feel nurturing, selfless, patient. But the reality is: love and like are two different things.
Step 1: Give Yourself Permission to Feel the Feeling
Here’s the truth: emotions aren’t wrong. They’re messengers.
If you feel like you don’t like your child right now, don’t shove it down. Don’t beat yourself up. Instead, pause and name it.
“I’m feeling disconnected from my child.”
“I’m having a hard time enjoying parenting today.”
“I feel resentment, and I want to understand why.”
This isn’t about labeling yourself. It’s about getting curious—not judgmental.
Step 2: Separate the Behavior From the Person
One of the most powerful mindset shifts I’ve made as a mom is this:
“I don’t like what they’re doing. That doesn’t mean I don’t like who they are.”
Sometimes, we get so caught up in behavior—sass, refusal, meltdowns—that it clouds how we see our child. We start defining them by the struggle.
But behavior is communication. And often, kids act out when they’re:
- Overstimulated
- Lacking control
- Struggling emotionally
- Trying to connect, but don’t know how
That doesn’t excuse harmful actions, but it reminds us: they’re learning. And we’re still growing too.
Step 3: Check In With Yourself (Because You Matter Too)
Sometimes, the root of the disconnection has less to do with your child—and more to do with you.
Ask yourself gently:
- Am I running on empty?
- Am I getting enough sleep/rest/time alone?
- Is something from my past being triggered by their behavior?
- Am I being too hard on myself (or them)?
- Do I feel supported?
I remember one week where I was snapping at my daughter constantly. I felt like I couldn’t stand being around her—and the guilt crushed me.
But when I stopped and took inventory, I realized I hadn’t had more than 5 minutes alone in days. I was touched out, overstimulated, and completely exhausted.
I didn’t dislike her. I disliked how I felt around her—and that’s a very different thing.
Step 4: Reconnect in Tiny, Pressure-Free Ways
Sometimes we expect big changes overnight. But relationships, like healing, take time.
If you’re feeling distant from your child, try these small, doable acts of connection:
- The 10-minute rule: Spend 10 distraction-free minutes doing something they love—no correcting, no teaching, just being present.
- Touch base with a note: Slip a little “I’m thinking of you” note under their pillow or into their lunchbox.
- Ask open-ended questions: Instead of “How was school?” try “What made you laugh today?”
- Use humor: A silly face, a funny voice, or a dance break can shift the mood.
- Start over: If a day (or week) has been rough, say, “Hey, can we try again tomorrow? I love you. Let’s both reset.”
Connection doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to be consistent and real.
Step 5: Get Support—Because This Is Hard
Let’s normalize getting help.
If your child has behavioral challenges, or if you’re feeling chronically overwhelmed, burnt out, or depressed—it’s okay (and brave) to talk to a therapist, pediatrician, or counselor.
You don’t have to carry it all.
You don’t have to fix it alone.
You’re not weak for needing help—you’re strong for seeking it.
Family therapy can also be a powerful space to rebuild strained parent-child bonds in a safe, supported way.
Step 6: Offer Yourself the Same Grace You Give Others
Would you judge a friend for admitting this struggle?
Would you call another mom a failure for being honest about her burnout?
Of course not. You’d hold her hand and say, “I get it. You’re doing your best.”
So please—say that to yourself.
Say it until you believe it.
“This moment doesn’t define me as a mom.”
“This feeling will pass.”
“I can love my child deeply and still struggle sometimes.”
A Personal Note: I’ve Been There
I remember one particularly long week when my son was about 4. He was hitting, yelling, throwing things. I felt like every second was a battle. I dreaded hearing his little feet in the hallway each morning—not because I didn’t love him, but because I was exhausted by the weight of it all.
I cried in the bathroom. I googled “what to do when you don’t like your child” at 1 a.m. I felt ashamed even typing it.
But what I found that night was a lifeline—moms who understood, experts who offered tools, and one simple truth that still grounds me:
Struggle doesn’t cancel love.
The fact that you’re reading this? That you care enough to search for answers? That alone shows how much you love your child.
Final Thoughts (From One Mom to Another)
If no one’s told you lately:
💛 You’re not a bad mom for having hard feelings.
💛 This chapter doesn’t define your relationship with your child.
💛 You’re allowed to feel burned out and still show up again tomorrow.
💛 Things can get better—with time, support, and grace.
Liking your child all the time isn’t a realistic goal. But building a relationship where both of you feel seen, safe, and loved? That’s the heart of parenting.
And you’re already on the way.
With love, empathy, and deep respect,
Jessica
