Internet dating: Seven Insights

Tinder, Happn, Inner Circle. Yes, these apps are also a topic of discussion on the Happinez editorial staff. On the one hand, online dating apps seem empty and superficial, at the same time they are – like everything in life – a great learning experience and you can learn unexpected life lessons as a single. We share seven.

It is what it is

Oh how tempting it is to think of dream castles and doomsday scenarios – because you don’t know the other person yet, your imagination has all the space it needs. Don’t get carried away by assumptions and expectations and keep it simple: it is what it is. 

Not ‘swiped back’? Apparently that puzzle piece doesn’t fit. No messages for a day? He or she doesn’t have time for you right now. Don’t cling to what it was or could be, but accept what is.

Things pass… and that’s ok

Hooray, a match! And that match leads to a chat, and that chat to a date. Deep conversations, evenings that seem to never end and the tension of new emotional or perhaps physical intimacy. But sooner or later, normal life knocks on the door again. Sometimes it turns out that someone there isn’t your other half, no matter how much you’d like to. Let go when it stops flowing – without reproach, without regret. Change and transience are part of life like the changing of the seasons.

Gratitude as a partner in crime

“There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in,” Leonard Cohen sang. A crack in your heart often shines a light on undiscovered treasures within yourself. Cherish the insights you gain along the way. 

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Even adversity, such as being hurt or losing someone, teaches you something about yourself and the demands you place on love in your life. Gratitude as a basic attitude helps you to embark on the adventure openly, because you trust that there is something beautiful hidden in every experience. So you screwed up… Thank you for the lesson and proceed wiser.

Dating is like looking in the mirror

The catty text you send because he or she is online, but not responding to you. Oh yeah, patience wasn’t your forte. You hear yourself making silly jokes during the first drink. Oh yeah, that’s what you always do when you’re insecure. 

Dating makes you extremely vulnerable and often exposes your insecurities and patterns flawlessly. Take a look in that mirror, look very carefully and honestly… what do you see? What kind of man or woman are you? Do you see what you want to see in the mirror? Do you let your heart speak?

The surprise is outside your comfort zone

Dating becomes surprising when you can do it with a beginner’s mind. If you are not guided by your conditioning (‘I only like tall men’, or ‘A woman with a child is not for me’) and your environment, you can sail on your feelings. 

It makes your world bigger. That loose ball takes you to a festival and to your own surprise you dance until the morning light. She’s seven years older, but your coffee date turns into the best philosophical conversation you’ve had in ages.

Listen to your body

Listen to your gut, listen to your heartbeat… your body tells you what you want and don’t want. It’s such an open door, but you don’t have to kiss on a first date if it doesn’t feel right for you. 

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Conversely, if it feels really nice to be and stay with someone – that’s okay too. Your feeling is leading in love and lust. Your body is a wonderful instrument to explore and guard your own space.

You are your own true love

By dating you learn to keep to yourself. Before you can surrender completely to another, you must surrender completely to yourself. Love yourself unconditionally with all your good and bad sides, trust and cherish your body, open your heart and trust that you are completely fine just the way you are. 

Valuable, loving and one of a kind. It’s not someone else’s job to make you happy. The balance in yourself brings you balance in your relationships and balance in your life.