You live with each other, you love each other, but it still creeps in: there may be no quarrels, but a lot of irritation. You really wouldn’t want to miss your loved one, but it doesn’t sparkle anymore.
And often we are inclined to pass the problem on to the other person. But the best step towards a new beginning, a new impulse for your relationship is to ask yourself: ‘Am I still an inspiring partner?’
If you want to improve a relationship, start with yourself. Because it is so tempting to take on the role of victim: ‘He doesn’t do enough in the house’, ‘She has such a busy job, she is always tired. That is at the expense of our private lives’. This distracts attention from your own role and influence within a relationship. And that influence is large, both positive and negative.
For example, if you set high standards that the other person cannot meet, you become disappointed. You express or radiate that disappointment. Your partner feels unappreciated and withdraws.
You think he or she doesn’t love you anymore and you start making sour comments. And so a downward spiral is created, which can be the beginning of the end of your relationship.
A refresher course in love
But it can also be different. For example, if you sincerely and from your heart ask if you can help your partner with something because you see that they are so busy, he or she will definitely feel inspired to respond to you in the same way.
All this requires a change of mentality and that does not happen overnight. It asks of you to see your partner as he or she is, to be selfless and to respond from your heart. But… where was your heart again? And how can you give without asking for something in return?
According to the spiritual relationship coach and teacher of Universal Consciousness Daniel Yuno, we all know that deep down. After all, we were born that way. We just forgot. So he gives us a refresher with seven of his wise love lessons.
1. What can I do for you?
People often approach relationships with the question: ‘I want this from someone else, I’m looking for this or that in someone’ – just read a few personals in the newspaper or on a dating site. The desire to have a partner is often rooted in selfishness. You want someone to make you feel beautiful or stop you from being lonely or finally be happy. Your partner’s job is to provide you with what you lack.
What we forget is that we have chosen our partner on a subconscious level to be our teacher. Whether for our whole life or in a specific phase of life. The other helps you learn what you need to learn at that moment. If you are open to that.
A relationship is not a structure to satisfy your will, but a place where you have the opportunity to give and serve. And the purpose of a relationship is to help the other person become completely themselves. So, when you wake up in the morning, look at your loved one and ask, “What can I do for you today?” A great opening to the day.
2. Expectation and disappointment go hand in hand
It is very difficult to give without expecting something in return. But it is the key to having a harmonious relationship.
Make a list of what you expect from your partner. And think about what it does to you if it does not comply or does not want to comply with this. You get disappointed. Expectation and disappointment go hand in hand.
Find out how your reaction influences the relationship. It is very large and often negative. Do not try to fill the relationship in advance with expectations. If you manage to let it go, there will be more room for love and inspiration.
3. Be aware of the energetic differences between man and woman
Men and women have a fundamentally different energy. As a result, they live differently and react differently. But the two energies do need each other. Often we are unaware of the existence of these poles and collide because we misinterpret them.
The feminine energy is emptiness. This void constantly wants to be filled: emotionally, intellectually, sensually and sexually. Once the void is filled, it becomes empty again. The creative part of the woman is part of this process. Because of this constant movement, women always continue to develop, but they also slow down to rest.
The masculine energy wants to manifest itself in the void. Men want to fill minds, fill bodies, they want to invent, build buildings.
When two people fall in love, these two forces often work in perfect harmony. But soon the trouble begins. She wants him to change and he wants her to stay the same. Gradually, the two poles adapt to each other. As a result, her feminine energy becomes less feminine, his less masculine and the attraction less.
Unfortunately, there is no ready-made recipe to get this process back on the right track. Because every couple is different and has different things to learn. It is important that people are aware of these energetic differences; they respect the other and realize that they need that other side in order to be whole.
4. Don’t always talk, listen to your heart
It is beneficial to turn your mind off in a relationship. Stop talking, just look each other in the eye for a while and ask yourself, ‘Who is that man or woman I’ve been hand in hand with for so long? Is he happy? What does she want? What does he think? What does she need?’
Try to respond from your heart. And if you don’t know how to do that anymore, there is a good method to bypass the ghost. If your partner asks you a question you’re unsure about, ask yourself, “Does it charge me or does it drain me?” The answer is the voice of your heart or your intuition.
5. Tune in
Separately, partners often have busy lives. The separation already starts in the morning when you wake up. One may have to come out sooner than the other. The children have to get dressed and go to school. You go to work, each in a different direction, you experience different things. Perhaps you still talk to each other during the day, via e-mails or via an app: ‘Honey, have you called the municipality yet?’
In the evening a lot of things have to happen again. Did some laundry, answered e-mails, the television turns on.
Try turning off all devices, because having time for each other or not is also a choice. Realign by talking to each other with real attention. Asking each other about what lies beneath the surface. For example, ask ‘Are you still happy at work?’ instead of ‘How was your work?’
This (re) attunement to each other can also be done by just feeling each other. For example, an exercise you can do when you wake up or go to bed is to synchronize your breathing. The man lies on his side with his stomach against the woman’s back, his arm is under her head and the other arm is on her stomach, at navel height. The man adjusts his breathing to that of the woman. Continue until the breathing is even. In this way you will physically come close to each other again and you will be open to the mutual attraction again.
6. Behave the way you want your partner to be
If you want to be an inspiring partner, behave as you would like to be treated. If you want the other person to give you something, be giving. If you don’t want the other person to judge you, don’t judge him or her. If you want the other person to see you, see him or her.
7. Don’t Forget Sexuality
On the road you go together, it is important that three aspects are in balance: the intellectual, the emotional and the sexual. If one of those areas doesn’t get attention, we’re stuck. Our sexuality is a reflection of our personality. Shame of or ignoring certain sexual feelings is ignoring your own humanity.
If you want to remain an inspiring partner in the field of sexuality, it is important that you accept your own sexual feelings and fantasies without judgment and express them honestly; in this way you also create safety for the other person to be themselves in this area, without fear of being judged or rejected.
On a physical level, sexuality is the glue of our relationship. Energetically making love means that one vibration with another vibration, which is not the same, comes together and creates a third vibration. That is the most important foundation of any living relationship and is above ideas, thoughts and emotions.